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My life as I know it

I will include a trigger warning for mentions of molestation, sexual assault, bullying, alcoholism, and self-harm. This may be a long read, and I apologize in advance. My earliest memory goes back to when I was about four years old. It was early morning—the birds were out, and the weather was warm, a perfect summer day. I remember needing to use the bathroom, as I was potty trained by then, but my bedroom door was locked. It was locked nearly every night until I was about five, maybe five and a half. I banged on the door, crying and shouting that I needed to go. I kicked and screamed, helpless and hungry, until he finally opened the door and asked what I wanted. I remember thinking, 'Really? I’m four.' Another memory comes from when I was about five and a half. It was a summer morning, and my bedroom window was open. A bee—a huge one, at least to my young eyes—was flying and buzzing around my room. As usual, I had been locked in my bedroom overnight. I screamed and cried until ...

So I tried to tell her.

Trigger warnings: Child abuse, molestation, self harm and suicidal ideology. I went to her house, mostly searching for answers—wanting to put a name to the face. A name to the man who molested me. I said, "We need to talk," already in tears. My friend Alex was there for support.   I told her, "So, I was molested as a kid—when I was five. And I think it was a friend of yours." —Still in tears. She dismissed it immediately, saying, "You were never alone with anyone at five."   I described him: bright red hair, a matching mustache.   Again, she was quick to respond. "I don’t know anyone like that."   I kept going, though I don’t remember everything I said; Something like red haired under a brim of a hat. I think is what I said. Then she said—"That sounds like Kevin."   Finally, a name. But just as quickly, she insisted my memories were misplaced, that I was wrong.   "So, I’m lying then?" I asked.   She simply said, "Yes....